Amid Disasters At Home And Abroad, Biden White House Staffers Busy Choosing ‘Magic Spirit Animals’

It’s reassuring to know that Biden White House staff members are hard at work, doing all possible to improve Americans’ lives as well as defend the country and its allies. According to Politico, some officials of the Biden administration are ardent Harry Potter enthusiasts who devote considerable time to selecting “magic spirit animals.” However, Politico made an error. Will Biden’s handlers’ magical spirit animals, or Patronus, help in evacuating the final Americans from Afghanistan, resolving the border crisis, as well as reviving the deep recession?

Merrick Garland has been a Harry Potter enthusiast, Politico first reported. He was “such an ardent admirer of the series that advisers to President Barack Obama dubbed him ‘Dumbledore.’” He is, however, a solid partisan and appears to be leaning toward criminalizing political opposition.

Members of the Biden White House staff are allegedly joining Garland in Harry Potter nonsense to do some good in the world. There is a “collage over Emilie Simons’ workstation in the West Wing” featuring the magical spirit beings of her employees. In addition, Mike Gwin, according to Politico, is a bald eagle. The black stallion is Andrew Bates. Vedant Patel is an orca. Natalie Austin is a Siberian husky. Chris Meagher, the Deputy Press Secretary, is a bear, but Simons transformed him into a teddy bear with a wand. However, Robert Spencer assumes that they were all skunks.

Politico upgraded Johnny Simons’ college to the status of a “mural.” While Jen Psaki is a “wild cat,” Amanda Finney represents a lion, Karine Jean-Pierre represents a black horse, and Kevin Munoz represents a deer. Simons means an exotic bird of paradise. Therefore, Politico, get to work. And while you’re at it, tell people about Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’s magical spirit animals as well. Old Joe might be a possum, and only possums are usually pretending to be dead, not pretending to be alive. And what about Kamala? The thoughts spin in circles, perhaps a hyena?

Helen Thomas observes that everything is collapsing. While Biden’s handlers selected magical spirit animals for him, Americans remain imprisoned in Afghanistan. Perhaps if Biden’s White House employees put the Harry Potter novels on hold for a time, they will discover a method to get them out.